Timeout. Non-existent

Everyone needs a break, my weekends used to be at the end of the week to everyday of the week and now, non-existent.

I was invited to go on a ladies night out, mamas with older kids though tomorrow night, and I don’t see it happening. Taking a cab back alone after a few drinks does not sound, ‘safe’. I just feel uncomfortable. Weeks ago it was all I could think of and wondered how I was going to make it work. Now it does not matter.

Tom went for drinks tonight with a friend after work  to which he said he’ll be attending his bachelor party next year in Europe. We can’t make up our mind as to where to go as a family let alone manage it financially. So him going to the bachelor party would be the long awaited holiday in another continent and break that he has been yearning for. God knows he deserves a good break.

And here I am, trying to have some meaningful time to myself, in between the sleep and the time he reaches home.  I miss myself, I miss having to do fuck all and not be on a schedule, I miss doing whatever, whenever, however without having to feel guilty.

I’ve let myself go because I get stressed trying to cater to my loved ones needs and myself. Other women seem to be able to do it… why can’t I?

This too shall pass… I am ever so grateful for the people in my life though. Things could be worse.

 

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